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I am very tired today. And very grumpy. Very, very grumpy.

I went to bed early last night with my book (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – am engrossed in it), turned the light out at about 11.30pm and fell into a deep sleep.

Well, not that deep obviously 'cause at approximately 1.40am I woke to the sound of knocking on my front window. I am in a ground floor apartment so any noise outside can be heard from my bedroom.

I was really terrified

There it was – rap, rap, rap rap. Rap, rap, RAP, RAP, RAP. And I was bloody terrified.

I was broken into in January of this year so any unusual activity during the wee hours has me on high alert.

I prayed it was the wind and tried to ignore it but it got so persistent that I had to go out and investigate – with my heart in my mouth I might add.

It was Old Flame and he was drunk as a skunk after being in the pub all evening watching that Liverpool match.

I snapped at him

I ate the head off him for scaring me half to death – he knows I was burgled before, which meant what he was doing was even more incredibly stupid and inconsiderate.

Anyway, it was freezing so I let him in and made him a cup of tea. He kept saying he was sorry, it was just that he wanted to see me as he missed me blah, blah, blah.

He was plastered so I was trying not to read too much into anything he was waffling on about. And I was relieved when he finally passed out on my couch.

Of course it then took me a good hour to get back to sleep myself. I was kind of seething with him and when you're seething it's hard to relax.

I was still fairly livid when I woke

I nodded off eventually and when I woke this morning I was still pretty livid. I was just thinking, what the hell is he at?

And then I discovered that OF had LEFT at some point between 2.15am-ish and 7.15am and I went into a full on RAGE.

I called him before I even had a shower, got his voicemail and left him an obnoxious message that contained the f-word at least twice.

And when he returned my call about an hour later I used expletive after expletive again as I demanded to know why he thought it might be cool to turn up hammered on my doorstep at all hours, crash on my sofa and then not even have the decency to wait 'til I got up to leave.

I yelled in a fury

“Is it that you only find me attractive when you're ossified?” I yelled at him. “That you only miss me after about 12 pints? Or was it that you just wanted to have sex and you figured I was an easy lay?”

He tried to answer me – he even tried to suggest meeting up later I think – but I told him to shut the you know what up and switched my phone off.

I am furious. Absolutely furious. Both with him and with myself. Because if I'm totally honest there was a small and really stupid part of me that was glad he had come knocking on my window.

And then I wake up and he's legged it? Yep, I am the bigger eejit for even remotely buying into that crap.

Then I log on here...

Meanwhile I get into work and I log on here only to discover I am apparently akin to a sedative, in a lull, in need of a makeover and about to be buried? Lovely. Flippin' lovely.

I suppose that's why I'm single – I'm just one big bore! Sure jaysus, OF only lasted about a half an hour in my company last night before he became unconscious!

Anyone else have a knife they'd like to stick in me?! I mean, I'm already having a bad day – another couple of jibes might put me out of my misery by finishing me off completely!

Link 1: Kitten's fans discuss dressing like Britney: am I a perv?

Link 2: Kitten's fans discuss dressing up

Well Magnolea - there has been quite a bit of discussion about dressing up as a school girl. It is pervy to fancy a woman who does that and is it slutty for a girl to do that for her man. I'll come back to that in another post - for those of you who haven't seen the discussion, just scroll down to see what readers are saying. Keeps our minds off the recession at the very least!

I looked like a tart instead of a sexy devil in the red dress on Saturday  night so I had to go to the Halloween party as myself.

Just as well really 'cause there was only about three people dressed up so I would have looked even more obviously dreadful!

Anyway, nothing scandalous to report from it and I am still single. But I was talking to a fellow singleton friend of mine the next day and she had a tale to tell that made me think we might be better off alone.

She hooked up with a slighter younger guy

She would be veering towards her late 30s and she recently scored with a guy somewhat younger. He is in his 30s, yes, but is quite a few years her junior.

They got on really well the night they met and while she didn't have high hopes (simply 'cause she stops herself having those these days!), she did like him and hoped to see him again. Which she did eventually.

He asked her out but it was about two weeks before they got to have the actual date because they both had other things going on.

She knew it would go nowhere

So the second meet up went OK – not great, yet not awful, but she knew in her heart it wouldn't go any further. You know how you just know? Well, she just knew.

And when he called her the next day to ask her out again (he was a bit keen) she decided there was no point in leading him on etc, so she told him what her instincts were.

Well, he lost the plot! I swear to God. Seemingly it's not just the ladies in their 30s who can go nuts. Nope, there are guys out there at it too!

He told her she had “hurt” him! Hurt?! When she tried to object he became even more hysterical. So she tried a different tone by suggesting that he might be going over the top with his reaction.

He lost the plot again

Bad move – he lost the plot again. He said he couldn't believe she was being so “cruel” and he appealed to her to give them another chance.

By now she had no choice but to point out to him that in reality they'd not even gotten past the first chance – it was a snog followed by one date after all.

That was when his appealing turned to begging as he said sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry for coming on so strong and pleaded with her to pretend he hadn't done this so they could start over.

She had to cut off all contact

She had to resort to blanking his calls and messages in the end but I can tell you she got a right fright. She's still quite shook actually.

She thought she was a good judge of character, yet she never predicted this twist in his personality. (It was more like a severe kink really I suppose!)

And to make matters worse, he was blaming her for the entire debacle and she did nothing only go out with him and then try to let him down gently.

I thought it was all kind of funny, God forgive me (!) and I found it oddly comforting that it's not the gals who have the crazy gene when it comes to matters of the heart!

Right then, I couldn’t decide what to wear for this Halloween party tonight so my friend came to the rescue by offering me her “devil dress” that she got in Asda recently for about a tenner.

I’ve not clapped eyes on it yet – she’s dropping it over to me in a bit. But if it’s hideous on me I’m afraid I’ll have to attend the party as my sweet (!) self.

I’ve no back up plan

I don’t have a back up costume as I’ve been so busy over the past couple of days that I wasn’t able to put a massive effort into the hunt for the perfect outfit.

So it looks like I’m going to be some sort of she-devil or just me.

I had to laugh at Magnolea’s story of how he once hooked up with a crazy 43-year-old Swedish woman.

I particularly loved the bit about how she spent so long hanging around his apartment the following day that he ended up missing the first half of the Heineken Cup final. Too funny!

When is a good time to leave?

I think that’s a big issue when two people get together and one of them overnights in the other’s place. How long should the visiting person stay the next day?

I mean, running out of there first thing in horror, leaving skid marks behind you is a bit rude, no matter how much you regret the tryst.

But spending half the day the day there is nearly worse!

I have mates who’ve been stuck in scenarios like that and have had to go to great lengths to get rid of their “guests”.

Excuses, excuses…

One of them pretended she had to work (it was a Saturday morning) and went so far as to call a cab, get into it and tell the driver to take her around the block and back home as soon as the coast was clear.

Another one feigned a trip to the gym – she got out her gear and all, despite her massive hangover.

Thankfully I’ve never had to concoct any tales to get rid of someone, although I did once score with a guy who then left in the middle of the night so we could avoid the embarrassing bit the next morning.

His words, not mine. And yes, this was not one of my finer moments.

I should start getting ready

Anyway, I’d better get my skates on and start getting ready for the party – well, as soon as the dress arrives, that is.

I’ve got some hot red lipstick on hand to go with my devilish demeanour so hopefully I’ll pull off the sexy (but not slutty) vibe that I’m aiming for.

And if not, hey at least I tried. In the meantime, happy Halloween everyone!